1. Remove the little cage around the cork, grab a firm hold of the bottle with one hand and the cork with the other hand, holding your hand over the cork to stop it from popping out in an uncontrollable fashion, and slowly twist the bottle. Wait for the cork to slide out with an elegant popping sound.
2. If you haven’t managed to get the cork out of the bottle after 10 minutes, and sweat is trickling down your back and your hand is going numb, you need to change your method.
3. Get hold of the following equipment:
a) a pipe wrench (Figure 1)
b) an old rag and (c) an elastic band (Figure 2)
4. Place the rag (b) over the bottle, wrap the elastic band (c) around the bottle neck (Figure 3) and use the pipe wrench (a) to hold the cork while you slowly twist the bottle. As you can’t hold your hand over the cork this time, the rag in combination with elastic band will in the best case scenario stop the contents from dyeing your ceiling red (= d, the worst case scenario). Wait for the cork to slide out with an elegant popping sound.
5. In the unlikely event that the cork should break in half (Figure 4) you need to find the following equipment:
e) a wine opener (Figure 5)
6. Screw the wine opener (e) into the cork and start removing the rest of the cork in a careful fashion. You might want to wrap the rag (b) around the mouth of the bottle to try to prevent d) from happening. Wait for the cork to slide out with an elegant popping sound.
7. Pour the wine into a suitable glass and enjoy the sweetness of your victory (Figure 6)